2019 was a hard year y'all.
One for the record book. Every single aspect of who we are as a family was tested, pushed and pulled. Without going into too much detail, we literally came to our breaking point. We have been through the tension and lessons that come with being newlyweds, and new parents. Moving halfway across the country, new jobs, new houses. I nearly died after the birth of our daughter. Walking through the fallout from that and the inability to have any more children. Working in full-time ministry for almost a decade now. Running multiple businesses. Starting a church from the ground up. But 2019, was heavy enough to bring us down. Christmas this year was huge in our house. Not for any reason other than we made it. Literally, this was a survival celebration people!
Have you ever had a year like that? I hope not. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart. But as all junk in life, the things I learned in 2019 now seem to be pretty important. Some may even say, a shift in mindset. So as I RUN, no WE run JOYFULLY into 2020. Here is a few lessons I am taking with me into 2020.
Plans are just that plans.
We walked into 2019, full of plans, dreams, goals, and an unending list of to-dos. I can tell you confidently that we did NOT accomplish 50% of what we planned to. And looking at it at face value, it can feel disheartening. We are literally no better off this year than last. Literally, it feels like we took no steps forward. But maybe just maybe that's what we needed. Maybe we were in the wrong lane, wrong mindset. Maybe the sooner I accept that the plans that we make, and what God has in store for us will most likely rarely line up. Quite honestly, my 2019 goals were completely materialist. And though we walked away with empty hands, the lessons were the real value.
There are times where your life will seem to fall apart, through no fault of your own. Let it fall apart.
I found myself in situations where I had no control, and the more I tried to control them the further out of control they got. I was angry, very impatient, and gave no grace at all. I tried to hold together what was crumbling around me. But what I was trying to avoid was the same thing I had been praying for. There were so many times I cried out to God for help in various ways, in different situations. Without an answer, I had just settled these things in my heart. That I was OK with the status quo. That the answer, was NO answer. I was so blindsided that when God was working, I was trying to resist and stop it. So when life falls apart, maybe the real question is what have you been praying for?
It's ok to be broken and tired. It is ok to admit that you need to rest.
By fall, the normal load of Mom, wife, Pastor's wife, blogger, entrepreneur, a business owner was heavier than ever. I didn't place it down. I threw it down. I may have even tried to slam it down. I needed rest. Our family had just gone through emotional, physical, spiritual surgery. We needed to recover. And at that moment I had to tell myself, that the only opinion that mattered was ours. It was mine, I didn't need to explain anything to anyone. But I did NEED to admit to myself I needed to rest. The RIGHT kind of rest. Rest in God. Rest while being still. Physical and spiritual rest can be some of the hardest concepts for Mamas. Can I just encourage you, if we don't want our daughters and sons to follow our path of spiritual exhaustion, we must be the first to model what true rest is? In all truth, I found joy in saying no, in laying everything down. IN just being. I will admit right here and now, I no longer want to be a Pinterest Mom. I want to be a well-rested queen, and Jesus is ok with that.
Sometimes you just need to trust God, hold your spouse's hand, and take the next step.
After being slammed, financially, and emotionally both Kraig and I had to allow God to do major work in our hearts. Issues that we didn't even know where there, God revealed to us. And just like a doctor resetting a bone. We had to be broken to be set correctly. So many DANG answers to prayer through this act of breaking. It hurt and it was hard. I questioned God the entire time. But through lots of prayers, outside support, and the counsel of others, we were able to stand together seeing the healing through the hurt, and just take that next step. And honestly, it's so different now. In the smallest of ways and the biggest of ways.
Kraig and I keep saying that 2020, is OUR year. It's going to be amazing. Fruitful and so AWESOME. But truthfully, maybe 2019 was our year. It was amazingly fruitful, and because of it, we are walking into the next year with a new awesome mindset. If 2019 had gone to plan, we may have had a little more money in the bank, and I would most definitely be a size 4. But would we be here? Would we have this appreciation for each other? For God's blessings in every area of our life? I no longer can discount the "hard years" for they may be the years where God is working the most. Where the soil of my heart is tended, where prayers are answered, where change happens one broken season at a time.
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